


Spiralling Down

by Lifeisforliving



Series: The art room // 221b [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Badboy john, Hurt John Watson, Hurt Sherlock Holmes, Innocent Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock Holmes, Johnlock - Freeform, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Shy Sherlock, Teenlock, rebel john
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16145027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeisforliving/pseuds/Lifeisforliving
Summary: Sherlock realizes he's in love with John Watson on a regular weekday, though this realization doesn't automatically mean their relationship is without misunderstandings. With midterms stressing John out beyond belief, an argument leads to both of them saying things they automatically regret, though it leaves only one of them believing the other doesn't want the relationship anymore.





	Spiralling Down

_________________

In their six and a half month relationship they had never entered a serious argument. 

Most of their disagreements ended with one of them apologizing, and or both of them realizing that their argument is stupid and quite pointless. 

Sherlock felt blessed, personally, though not all that religious he was aware of the fact that most relationships went into turbulence when arguments or anything of the sort came into play. Therefore he felt lucky at the fact that he and John had never entered those kinds of discussions. 

It had only been recently when he discovered he was head over heels in love with John Watson. During a regular Wednesday afternoon the week prior, they had ditched class to go get milkshakes and John had ordered extra whipped cream on his and Sherlock gave him a curious look as the waitress passed them their food. 

“Why would you order extra whipped cream when you don’t even like whipped cream?” Sherlock asked as he scooped John’s whipped cream off and place it on top of his own, making a small pile. 

Though John just gave him an affectionate smile and look at him in a way that was only ever directed at Sherlock. 

“Because you like it” John said simply as though it were the easiest thing in the world as he placed his straw into his milkshake. 

Sherlock felt his heart swell in an inexplicable manner, and that very moment at 1:46 pm Sherlock realized he was utterly and irrevocably in love with John Watson. 

Even prior to, though especially after Sherlock felt as though his and John’s relationship was idealistic, a private affair full of just them. 

That’s what he thought to himself that Friday morning, but of course like with most things in life, things come tumbling and spiralling down faster than you’d assume. 

____________

Being who he was, Sherlock observed John’s stress since the beginning of that week. 

Trying to remember what could be causing John to be so stressed, Sherlock remembered that they had midterm exams that week, and of course those could be incredibly detrimental to one’s grade if one were to be unfocused. 

Standing by his locker Sherlock felt John’s presence before he saw him, well smelled him mostly because John had a very specific cologne. 

Before turning to his left he was greeted by a brief kiss on the cheek, turning completely he was met by John’s naturally soft lips and his hand on his cheek holding him gently. 

After he pulled away, Sherlock could still sense the tension John held in his body, though he was trying to calm himself down. 

“Relax, you have nothing to worry about, you’re going to ace your biology exam” Sherlock said kindly placing his hand on John’s shoulder in a comforting motion, which John appreciated because he gave Sherlock a kind smile. 

“I’m just, I’m really stressed right now, so if I don’t reply to your text or something it’s because I’m studying” John explained and Sherlock rolled his eyes but nodded as the bell rang announcing the commencement of classes. 

Closing his locker he followed John as he walked him to his class as per usual, stepped aside to let the students enter the chemistry classroom John kissed Sherlock chastely. Pulling away he gave Sherlock an smile and turned to walk to his own class. 

Sherlock watched him go and was irked by his own worry, he knew John would be fine, he knew John naturally excelled in Biology class, but he couldn’t help but feel worried for him since stress tends to have negative impacts on the mind and body. 

________________

Sitting at his usual desk in their usual abandoned classroom, Sherlock busied himself until John’s arrival by reading a bit more of _The Book Thief_ , a surprisingly good, and equally depressing novel he had found during his bookstore search. 

Hearing the door open, Sherlock looked up and saw John carrying two biology textbooks, as well as noticing his backpack sagging more, therefore he had even more books in there.

“You know for someone who gets kicked out of classes and upholds a rebellious reputation, you sure do take your exams seriously” Sherlock commented and John gave him a look as he set his books down on a random desk, followed by his backpack. 

“Cute” John said sarcastically and Sherlock shrugging as he shut his book and placed it in his satchel. 

“Come entertain me with your kisses, today has been incredibly bland” Sherlock requested and John looked at his books but walked over and cupped Sherlock’s face and kissed him deeply. 

Sherlock melted into the kiss almost immediately, placing his hands in the crooks of John’s elbows and hanging his arms off there. 

Well he was completely into the kissed until John pulled away with a sorry expression and backed away, “I’m sorry, I just really have to study”

“John, you’re going to do fine”

“I don’t think I am, the exam is seventy questions, from all three books we use. I’m not ready. Besides, don’t you have exams?”

“Probably, but who cares?” Sherlock said and John rolled his eyes in a not so affectionate manner making Sherlock do a double take. 

“Lucky you” John almost snapped as he pulled out a chair and plopped down into it as he opened the textbook in front of him onto the first chapter. 

“Let me help you study, I can help” Sherlock offered hopped off the desk he was sitting on top of heading over to stand in front of the desk John was sitting at. 

“Uh, no, you tried to help me study for literature and you called me an idiot for not being able to spell onomatopoeia on the first attempt” John said looking up before looking back down to what seemed to be a section on cell division. 

“I will be nicer” Sherlock offered and sighed when John shook his head not even looking up from the textbook. 

Pouting, Sherlock sat on the desk in front of the one John was sitting at. 

After counting to one hundred he deemed himself too bored to continue doing nothing but thinking, even though thinking was important, he just really wanted to talk to John. 

“Let me help you” Sherlock tried again and John didn’t even acknowledge his request. 

“John let me help you, John-”

“No Sherlock! You are awful at helping people study, really. You’re great and I adore you, but we are not good study partners” John snapped looking up to glare at Sherlock who rolled his eyes feeling himself be irritated. 

“I can help you not be stressed if I help you, just let me”

“No”

“John, you’re not learning-”

“Sherlock! I said no, and I mean it, I don’t want your help” John said in an obviously angry tone caused by his stress. 

“But I want-” Sherlock tried and John slammed his textbook closer and gave Sherlock a withering glare. 

“I do not want your help, we cannot all be anti social geniuses that can learn things by just hearing them, or by just reading something once. You don’t know how to study because you’ve never needed it, I don’t want your bloody help!” John snapped and Sherlock felt his chest ache slightly by John’s words, but he felt his irritation go up first before he could feel extent of the word “anti social”

“God! What am I your boyfriend for if you’re not even going to let me help you?” Sherlock snapped himself and instantly regretted the words as John looked up with an angry eyes, but an expressionless face. 

“I don’t know why are you? I wonder the same thing sometimes.” John emotionlessly before opening his textbook back to the page where he was before. 

Sherlock felt the dread enter his heart before he could manage to numb his emotions, though it wasn’t just dread it was an instant ache in his chest, and a drop in his stomach that made his eyes water almost immediately after the word’s John uttered so emotionlessly registered. 

“Oh” was all Sherlock could mutter with a shaky before he hopped off the desk to grab his satchel at a nearby desk as he fled the classroom with his long strides, his vision slightly impaired by tears building in his eyes. 

Reaching the door he couldn’t help but sniff slightly before practically running out of the hallway and out of the school as fast as possible. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, how could you allow yourself to fall in love with someone like that?_ Sherlock thought to himself as he left the school through the back entrance and clambered down the steps while wiping his eyes roughly. 

_I don’t know why are you? I wonder the same thing sometimes_  
_I don’t know why are you? I wonder the same thing sometimes_

Sherlock shook his head to get rid of his thoughts as he ran without getting tired. 

Though even as he ran as fast as he could in jeans, he still couldn’t run from the dread that was in his chest so blatantly weighing him down. 

_________________

Sherlock ran up the stairs in his house and all the way down the hall and to the right until he reached his room and slammed the door shut. 

Leaning on it heavily he slid down it slowly and allowed the tears to fall freely while trying to wipe them with the sleeve of his sweater. 

_I don’t know why are are you? I wonder the same thing sometimes_

_______________

After about ten minutes of studying John felt a sudden realization full of what he had told Sherlock out of pure frustration and stress. 

He hadn’t meant it, of course he hadn’t, he loved that boy to death, even if he hadn’t gotten around to telling him quite yet. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” John yelled standing, causing the chair to spill backwards. 

“Son of a fucking bitch!” John yelled slamming his hands on the desk because he could not believe he had just told those things to Sherlock. 

After months, and months of making him believe he truly did want him, and that he truly did want to be his boyfriend he did this. He had ruined months of confidence building in Sherlock, and Sherlock was insecure enough as it is without John’s idiotic comments. 

Taking out his phone, he was grateful he had shared Sherlock’s location with himself. 

He was home, that was good. 

Whenever Sherlock got upset he had a tendency of getting in trouble, for example Mycroft had come home once and told Sherlock he needed to focus more on his studies and less on his idiotic experiments and Sherlock had climbed the roof of the library with no real way to get down. 

That ended in John having to bust a window in the library to get him down safely. 

He loved Sherlock, he had known ever since Sherlock had bought him a woven leather bracelet he had seen in a street market just because it had reminded Sherlock of him. 

Sighing, he rechecked Sherlock’s location before quickly gathering his materials and sprinting to his locker to leave the things there. 

________________

“Only I would be stupid enough to believe John Watson could love me” Sherlock muttered to himself as he reorganized his bookshelf in alphabetical order in his overly large room. 

He froze as he heard the doorbell ring, taking a moment to glance out the window he saw it was John standing there, obviously full of anxiety guessing by how he was shifting from leg to leg. 

“Oh how polite of him, coming to break up with me in person” Sherlock said to himself again as he felt his eyes fill with fresh tears. 

Sitting with his back to the bookshelf he felt the hot miserable tears fall down his face as he thought about what this truly meant. 

Bringing his knees to his chest and hiding his face away in his knees, he willed his thoughts to take him away as he heard the doorbell ring again, accompanied with urgent knocks. 

This meant he would be completely alone again, alone and with nobody to be around. 

He would be the same person he was prior to John coming into his life that fateful afternoon. 

The lonely kid in the back of the classroom that nobody wanted to acknowledge unless they needed homework to copy. He would be back to the same routine of going to school, and then going to his room and staying there unless he decided to take walks by himself, or go to the movies by himself. 

Prior he had told himself he didn’t care, but now that he knew what it was like to have someone to do things with, and he knew what it was like to have genuine company he could feel himself going into a very, very dark place. 

Shaking his head out of his thoughts, he heard the doorbell ring insistently and the door being knocked on again by John. 

Until it was gone. 

After waiting for ten minutes to be sure, he peeked through his curtains and saw nobody there, checking his phone he saw John’s retreating GPS location. 

Sighing he wiped his eyes and sniffed, he intentionally avoided the mirror to not see his red rimmed eyes with a longing look in them. 

Looking down at his phone which was vibrating he saw 4 unanswered calls from John. 

Shaking his head he decided it was better to start getting used to being alone now, rather than getting his hopes up. 

_________________

John practically ran home when Sherlock didn’t open the door, but then again why would he? He had been a complete asshole to Sherlock. 

But he wanted nothing more than to apologize to Sherlock, kiss Sherlock into oblivion and tell him he loved him more than anything in the world. 

After seeing no movement in Sherlock’s window he left and decided he would come back during sundown, considering Sherlock had a balcony with a very tall tree with an extending branch next to it, John knew he next plan. 

________________

By 2am Sherlock realized he would be getting no sleep as he sat up and walked to his record player and took our his honorary, and very well hidden vinyl collection. 

It was true, he had every Coldplay vinyl there was to have, and only John knew about them. 

Taking out _Ghost Stories_ , Sherlock took it out of its sleeve and place it on the record player and took down the needle onto it. 

Hearing the flowing intro he went back to his bed and got under the covers and stared at the ceiling as the first verse came flowing through, _“I think of you, I haven’t slept”_

Coldplay had a real ability to make your depressing night even more depressing, and Sherlock really did appreciate that. 

His room was completely dark aside from the moonlight coming in from his slightly parted curtains, the moonlight was directed towards a pile of things on Sherlock’s dresser. 

Well two piles really, one pile of everything John had given him and one of things that reminded him of John for whatever reason that might be. 

The first pile consisted of a sleeping shirt and a hoodie that still smelled like John’s cologne, two tubes of beeswax chapstick, in the flavor of strawberry of course and two bracelets he had bought Sherlock during a midnight adventure he had with his mates and the other one when his family had gone on a roadtrip to see his grandmother. 

The second pile was much more random, consisting of a dark blue shirt John loved to see him in, a notebook they frequently exchanged notes in during class and an origami swan John had taught him to fold one random morning. 

Sure, there were many more things within each pile, but he didn’t have the mind to think about them because the more he thought the heavier the pressure on his chest felt. 

He loved John, he really did, and even if it had taken him a while to realize it, it didn’t make the feelings any less sincere. 

Is this what love did to people? Is this what everyone lived and died for? Because at this point Sherlock could understand the downside to being completely enamored with someone. 

_________________

John sucked in the cold midnight air as he walked up to Sherlock’s house and looked up towards his balcony but saw no light filtering in through the curtains. 

Sighing to himself he realized he would have to actually climb the tree to be able to reach Sherlock’s balcony door because Lord knows Sherlock was not going to open the door. 

“He’s lucky I love him so much” John mumbled to himself because he had never gone through such struggle to reach someone after a disagreement, no girl had ever been important enough for such hassle. 

But Sherlock was, he really was, and he couldn’t sleep well knowing Sherlock believed he questioned their relationship while not knowing how much John really loved him. 

After some struggle, John was able to climb the branches until he reached the extending branch which seemed so much shorter from down below, shaking his head he trusted his balance as he walked on top of the semi thick branch all the way to the balcony railing where he thanked God and anything else up there for not allowing gravity to slam him down to the ground. 

Hopping over the balcony he walked over to the door carefully and knocked, but not to anyone’s surprise there was no answer and no light in this room. 

Sighing again he kneeled onto one knee and dug in his pocket for a few pins to pick the lock stopping him from entering Sherlock’s room. 

Of course he was able to open it in a few seconds, standing back up to full height he pushed open the door and stepped inside to close it behind himself. 

Automatically he heard the low music coming from the record player and he looked on the bed and saw Sherlock who was looking at the ceiling. 

“Sherlock-”

“Your things are on the dresser, well your actual things you’ve given to me, the one on the right is a pile of things that simply remind me of you, but you can have that too, thank you” Sherlock said quickly and emotionlessly but if John had been able to see his face, he would automatically recognize the tears brimming in his eyes.

“What are you on about?”

“Well, we’re done aren’t we? You made it perfectly clear you don’t know why we are in a relationship. Therefore, we’re done, I’m giving you the out, please just go” Sherlock said and John felt like he had been punched in the stomach. 

“No, we’re not done, we had an argument and we said things we didn’t mean, that doesn’t mean our relationship is over” John said feeling his anger bubbling quickly. 

“People tend to say things they mean but regret saying out loud during arguments. You said you question why we are even in a relationship. I’m a hassle, I know, I’m anti social, I also know that. Just, just please go” Sherlock pleaded again as he spited himself for how his voice shook. 

“No, we are not done, I’ll say it again, it was just an argument or a disagreement because I’m stressed as can be about these exams and I shouldn’t have ever done that, you don’t deserve that” John explained as he felt his frustration bubble away at the realization Sherlock was afraid of losing him so he would rather he go on his own terms. 

“Mmm” Was the only reply Sherlock gave as he still only looked at the ceiling and not at John. 

“I love you” John said simply but clear enough that Sherlock would really hear. 

“No” Sherlock snapped and John was taken aback by his quick comment. 

“What? I love you” John repeated again, slower this time. 

“No you don’t, you’re only saying that because you’re afraid of losing me and by proxy losing someone to make out with or someone to be with when you’re bored. But I know you don’t love me, I know you don’t love me because someone who is in love with someone else doesn’t question why they’re in a relationship with them” Sherlock explained as though he were explaining why multiplication works the way it does. 

“I love you” John said again walking towards Sherlock’s bed where he sat up quickly. 

“Get out of my room, take your things and go, I don’t need you to tell me you love me so I can calm down like another one of those many, many girlfriends you’ve had who only have half a brain. We’re done, we made it perfectly fucking clear in that classroom. Just go” Sherlock snapped and moved back slightly as John moved to the wall to flicker on one of the ceiling lights. 

John took a deep breath before he turned back around to face Sherlock who was giving him a glare but he knew it had no heat behind it. 

“I love you”

“John, get out” Sherlock said though of course John noticed that his voice was wavering. 

Kneeling on the bed he caught Sherlock’s wrists before he could try to get him off the bed, kneeling in front of him he looked Sherlock in the eye. 

“You are the most arrogant, sarcastic, emotionally guarded and challenging person I have ever met. You have the ability to have someone dislike you in seconds because of your arrogance, your sarcasm makes people feeling completely an utter inept, you are so emotionally guarded after six months sometimes I really do have to think deeply about what you’re feeling” John took a pause to make sure Sherlock was still listening and not tuning him out. 

“You are so challenging, it’s taken me months to convince you that I do want to be with you, and that I adore you completely. But you also have the ability to be the biggest prick. Like right now, you telling me I don’t love you because I said things I never meant, I have never questioned why we are together. As big as prick as you can be, telling me I don’t love you and kicking me out of your room after I told you I’m in love with you” Taking another pause to take a breath he continued on

“You are also the most loveable person I know, you are so unknowingly sweet and affectionate, it makes it an honor to love you, to know that you only show this person to me and that I know you love kissing, and holding hands and laying with me. You are all of these things and so much more, and I love you, and I do love you, Sherlock. But, if you really think we’re done, or you really want me to go, I’ll go” John ended his speech looking Sherlock in the eyes and feeling his own eyes water slightly when he saw Sherlock’s red rimmed eyes. 

When there was nothing spoken between them for a while, John felt his heart drop slightly but he let go of Sherlock’s wrists and moved off of the bed. 

“Keep the things I gave you” John said simply trying to keep himself together as he turned towards the door to head out again. 

“Don’t go” Sherlock said frantically kneeling on the bed causing John to turn around to see the look on his face. 

“Sherlock-”

“I love you, I just didn’t- I don’t know what to do with that, it gives people power to hurt you and it allows people to know they have something over you and that scares me, but I knew you would never use it against me, but when you said that today it felt like everything I had built in my head had been demolished and I didn’t know what to do” Sherlock explained quickly, almost hyperventilating. 

“I do love you John, you are my best friend and my boyfriend and you put up with me and everything I do” Sherlock paused slightly to think of a way to articulate this properly, “It frightened me to tell you how I felt people if you tell someone and they decide they’d rather not know you can’t un-say it, once you’ve opened your heart you can’t close it again”

“I didn’t know if you loved me back, but I just wanted to get it off my mind because everything you do makes me want to yell it at you, b-but when you told me that today it made me think this was just casual to you and you never meant for either of us to fall in love. But I did. And I love you” Sherlock finished sighing lowering his shoulders. 

“But if you think I’m too much of a hassle, I-” Sherlock didn’t finish his sentence because he was tackled down onto the bed by John and all he could said was “Oof”

John straddled his hips and interlaced their hands together and placed them on either side of Sherlock’s head. 

“You fucking prick!” John laughed and leaned down to kiss Sherlock before pulling back smiling

“You made me think you didn’t love me, you let me turn around and everything” John said and Sherlock blushed and squeezed John’s hands, “I just needed to muster up some courage” Sherlock explained and John let go of his hands in order to cup his face and kiss him deeply. 

Tilting his head to further the kiss, John opened his mouth and Sherlock mimicked his action and John smirked as he felt Sherlock take a sharp intake of breath as he ran his tongue on the roof of his mouth to the backs of his teeth. 

Sherlock moaned as John ran his fingers through his hair, something he knew was incredibly sensitive. 

Wrapping his legs around John, he tugged him closer and he took a deep breath as he felt the John’s evidently hard length pressing against his own. 

John took this as an invitation and began slowly rutting against Sherlock’s own hard cock, feeling proud at Sherlock’s moan at the clothed contact. 

Grinding a bit faster, John continued kissing Sherlock into what seemed to be oblivion since all he could do was kiss back and wrap his legs tighter against him. 

John was surprised when Sherlock pulled away from their heated kiss and shook his head, “Not close enough, no pants” 

Slightly stunned by the request, but not one to question motives he quickly took off his sweats leaving him only in boxer briefs and Sherlock took off his own bottoms leaving him in only his boxer briefs. 

Not wasting a moment John swooped back in and continued kissing Sherlock into a nice haze as Sherlock rewrapped his legs around John encouraging him to grind faster and harder. 

John personally was having a wonderful time since he kept hearing Sherlock’s breathy moans, though he knew he was close because Sherlock’s breaths were getting shorter and shorter. 

Pulling away from his mouth he moved his mouth to his neck where he knew Sherlock was extra sensitive, biting and sucking on the skin he knew he was bruising he pulled Sherlock’s hair and Sherlock was a mess beneath him. 

He could feel Sherlock getting more and more tense so he took his mouth off of his neck and next to Sherlock’s ear where he breathed filthy words to take Sherlock over the edge. 

“Oh I can’t wait to have you beneath me as I pound you into the mattress, have you writhing beneath me until the only word in your vocabulary left is John. Do you want that Sherlock?” John asked as he rutted faster and faster making Sherlock moan and nod quickly. 

“Do you want me to take you from behind and fuck you right into this mattress? Or-” John didn’t get to finish his questions because Sherlock stilled and John saw his face was the face of pure pleasure and he followed him down soon after. 

Falling onto Sherlock’s chest, they both struggled to get a hold of their breath. 

Sherlock willed his breathing to mimic John’s and eventually they both calmed enough to relax as John rolled off of him onto his left side. 

“We should fight more, that was hot” 

“Shut up” Sherlock said smacking his arm but John only smiled, “Hey we’ve never done that before, I’m all for it”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling he had been looking at in such sadness prior to. 

“So.. dirty talk is what gets you going huh? Who would have thought the prim and proper Sherlock Holmes had a thing for dirty talk” John teased and Sherlock felt himself blushing as he covered his face with his hands, only to have them pulled by John. 

But John only kissed him sweetly and smiled down at him, “You don’t have to worry about anything, we go at your pace, nothing more, nothing less”

Sherlock nodded and sat up, “Come on, let’s change I feel disgusting”

“But it felt so good, I loved your moans” John teased and Sherlock rolled his eyes and blushed more, deciding to get John he casually said "Oh I'm sure Victor would as well"

He automatically saw John freeze and give him a disapproving look, "Nope, I'm the only one who gets to hear your breathy little moans, and I'm the only one who gets to know that you are a sucker for my dirty talk" 

“You’re lucky I love you” Sherlock said getting off the bed and heading over to his dresser to pull out two pairs of underwear, turning to toss one at John. 

“You’re lucky I love you too, I don’t just cum in my underwear for anyone” John explained and Sherlock laughed and turned to go to the bathroom. 

“Our cook made spaghetti, would you like some when we change?” Sherlock asked almost shyly and John felt himself smile immediately.

“I would love nothing more” John answered and Sherlock nodded as he went to the restroom to change. 

If you had asked John Watson what he would be doing this night six and a half months ago, confessing his love after an argument to Sherlock Holmes was not going to be his answer, but by God he was happy it was now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Wow, it's been a year since I update this series, though not for lack of wanting, the past year was crazy and now I'm away for college and I'm writing this in a completely new city. Though this series is in fact back, to apologize for my length absence I wrote a long one for you guys, hopefully you enjoy it.  
> As always leave me comments with what you'd like to see written and what you'd like to see.  
> It's good to be back, much love.


End file.
